Not in regards to running my own dogs, but WATCHING Andy run Crackers! I have NEVER been so nervous...EVER.
Running both dogs in the Grand Prix Finals at Cynosports was NOTHING compared to watching my husband run Crackers in Starters!!?!!? REALLY??
REALLY...it starts with the shaking hands...then the nausea sets in...and I get dizzy. My heart RACES, as it if is going to leap from my chest and I feel a sense of panic. WHAT IF goes through my head...which is about to explode...
I do NOT like this feeling...I have never felt like this. Sure...when I took Ace to my very first ever agility trial 6 years ago, I had butterflies. But never like this. And now? I am focused, and maybe a bit more alert than normal (did you SEE Gator in snooker...gotta be ready for the Tater boy!)...but not nervous. Never nervous.
Nervous SUCKS. K?? I wanted to down an entire bottle of rescue remedy, pop a xanax, and wash it down with a gallon of whiskey for good measure. Even all of that probably wouldn't have made a dent. I can't even tape him! I have to ask other people (thank you friends!) to tape him...how pathetic is that?
I have NO control out there...I am helpless when they are running. They are going to make mistakes as a team and I have NO CONTROL over it. I like control...I like knowing what to expect and I am like a Border Collie without sheep...well more a Border Collie that has to sit and watch ANOTHER Border Collie work sheep...and we all know what Border Collies do when they are waiting patiently and the dog working messes up...they want to HELP.
Yes, I want to run out there, arms flailing, screaming "RUN YOUR DOGWALK" "GET THAT FRONT CROSS IN" " CALL HIM NOWWWW!!!!!!!!!
And instead I have to sit there...tied to the fence...trying to maintain composure...I am sure the judge would call that "aiding"...rules, rules, rules...
Now luckily for me, Andy and Crackers really are doing GREAT...that really helps. Andy is like me in that regard...if he messes up he is determined to not do it again...yeah Andy :) I was very proud of Team Crackhead this weekend, Andy handled him like a pro and I was in the other ring running 3 dogs...so I hardly saw any runs anyway. Therefore, no nausea, dizziness or panic attacks...yeah for me....it's the little things.
I need to work on this, I want this to END...like 10 days ago. I can't be freaking out everytime he gets in the ring. So I will be listening to my Lanny B. CD (which IS very good...however Lanny's voice is as flat as a board...so falling asleep during the CD is a bit of an issue for me). This will HOPEFULLY help me to visualize Andy's runs and not worry so much. I taught him to the best of my abilities...now to let him do his thing. Besides...Crackers tells him off if he messes up! Good dog!
Any thoughts on how to settle myself...I am still thinking xanax and whiskey :) But I am open to other suggestions...
The Sound of Silence
2 hours ago