HEY! How ya been??

I'm busy, can you tell? Busy with work, life, family, dogs, yadda yadda yadda...but, I figured, I had some time so I'll post :)

First off...CUTEST HAT EVER...I'm gonna wear it skiing this winter!!!!!

My student who has a blog and an Tibetan terrier gave me this!! HOW FREAKING CUTE?!?!?!?!?! It's a border collie hat AND IT'S PINK!!!!! OMG!!!!!!! You could buy me ANYTHING pink...and I'd love it...seriously. Try me. My me some pink shit...I'll love you :) I really am THAT EASY...

I've been doing lots of thinking about things, dog training...life...etc etc...

So have my dogs...

Or maybe that's just the look they give me when they're tired of listening...crap...

Either way...we are all pondering...I ponder about important things...like, what kind of Yankee candle do I want to burn in my house today, or...how much flannel should a person really own, or what the hell did I just step in that's wet?

My dogs...they ponder about eating dead things, barfing them up in my kitchen so I step in it with sock covered feet...or they lick themselves all day...why? Because they can. That's why...yep, simple as that.

Why am I pondering life, candles, flannel etc? Because winter is coming and I'm getting bored already.

One of the things I have added to the "don't be bored this winter" is going and watching local bands...great music...and the people watching is OMG AMAZING!! Just last weekend I went out and there appeared to be a woman, dancing by herself...on some illegal drug...she was just fascinating...whatever she was on, I think it was a very bad batch.

I got hit on by some old dudes, danced a lot...and for the FIRST TIME EVER! Played pull tabs. Which is apparently a Minnesota tradition...or something. People play them a lot. It's like scratchers tickets...but you pull instead of scratch (HA! Ohhhh the things that just went through my head! HEEEEE HEEEEE!!!!). So...I figured, why not? My friend and I got some and we ended up winning $250! HOLY SHIT!!! MONEY! It rocked! Pull tabs are sort of fun! YEAH BABY!!!

I was disappointed in the lack of mullets in the crowd, but that was balanced out by the number of really scary men there...as in, if they started towards our table we would grab our coats and totally say very loudly "MAN I GOTTA PISS LIKE A RACEHORSE"...thinking that would be a deterrent...not so much. Nope...but at least hiding out in the women's bathroom kept us safe...kinda :) Men are weird...some are REALLY weird. Add booze and pull tabs to the really weird ones and you get just downright entertaining...WOW. That's all I can say...WOW. Loretta....speechless? Never happens....until now :)

But it's fun. I was the designated driver (funny how people are willing to trust me with their lives? WTF?? Would YOU after reading my blog? I didn't think so!)...maybe they haven't read my blog. I digress...but I had fun...I sucked helium out of the balloons on the table (someone's birthday apparently...probably pissed them off sucking all the balloons dry)...but I needed a hit o something...so talking in a chipmunk voice for a short period of time made me a happy camper. Yes...I sang the "HOOLA HOOOOOOP" song...totally. I was one of the normal ones...that's the beauty of these situations...you gotta do some really crazy shit to be deemed odd. Just sayin'.

BUT...I needed this tutorial this past weekend...would have been REALLY HANDY.

I'm going to try this the next time I'm out...dudes rubbin' up on me....ewwwwwwwww. No thanks.

Thank goodness I have my guitar....which by the way I am getting better at playing...adding new songs all the time...can I totally rock them all out yet? Hell no! LMAO!!!! YOU FUNNY!! But it's a great challenge :) And I don't sound like a dying cat when playing it anymore...so I'm gonna call that improvement!

Otherwise...life is good!

My sheep should be all sexed up now...they better be preggers!!!! I wish they had little +'s or -'s on their butts so I could just check at a glance...wouldn't that be handy?!??!!

On another note...I am going to attempt a feat that I may possibly fail at, but I'm going to attempt it anyway. COOKING...DA DA DA DUMMMMMM...I'm going to cook one new recipe/meal each week. Most of them will probably end up like this:

But I'm gonna try my ass off!!! You might say "Loretta? It's JUST COOKING"...yeah, well I can f*ck up Jello people!! JELLO. Yeah...so this might be something that could turn into a mega-huge-disastrous-nuclear bomb of a clusterf*ck....

And my poor husband and friends will be subjected to it. Thanks friends...the husband is legally bound to eat the shit I cook. (isn't it funny I block out F*ck with an * but shit can stand alone...irony...) But my friends, well, they're gonna have that friendship tried. I hope no one gets e.coli, projectile vomiting, or dies...

I'm not eating any of that crap you cook woman...AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!!!

So other than guitar...and cooking...and snowblowing...I'll just have all winter to mess with my dogs heads...ever do that? Sure...I could...like...TRAIN THEM...but really? What's the fun in that? I prefer to just mess with them a little here and there, keeps them on their toes :)

They seem all content with life...then I do crap to mess with their wee little minds...that's the beauty of pets...no one will turn you in for things like that. Kids? I'm sure somebody would turn me into child services and I'd have some crazy ass visitor coming to my house, telling me I can't crate my 3 year old or something...WHY NOT? Soft sided crates are EXACTLY like kid play pens...seriously... ANYWAY...

So I like to mess with them...like...I'll make a weird noise...

HOLY SHIT!?!??! WTF WAS THAT!?!??!?!

OMG!!!?!??! IT'S GONNA GET US!!!! WHERE IS IT COMING FROM!???!!

Waaaaaiiiiiittttttt...you're f*cking with me aren't you...

Kiss my ass...really...

And...because dogs are not the brightest crayons in the box...I do it again...

And again...

And again...

Because it's funny...and they fall for it...and it's cold and I'm bored. Why I have dogs really...because I'm bored and I didn't want a human spawn of my own...

There's seriously something wrong with you...seriously...

Maybe Zip's right...but clinically I'm normal. I've had the tests...funny they deemed me normal really...

I suppose since this is a dog blog, I should discuss training or something like that...I did train the dogs this week...we did stuff...yep. And I rewarded what they did right, and I threatened them with poisoned dart guns when they did something wrong. They all did great...apparently dart guns are the way to go!! No trials planned for like, EVER. At least until 2012. Then I suppose I need to get everyone Q'd up for Nationals...which is in Colorado...which I am not 100% sure I will be going to...but I'm sure I'll change my mind :)

YEAH! Aren't ya glad you read all this crap?!?!? :)