Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Me No Likey...

Yeah...Day 87: My Life

I am all for supporting the dairy industry...but I am feeling like some kind of artificial cow currently...mixing up milk replacer at a very alarming rate.Don't drink the Diet Coke K?? NOT a good idea in this fridge...I'm stockpiling the crap like there will never be another bucket of milk replacer to mix up...why?THIS. I have now changed her name...she is no longer Ernestine. She is now named Rosemary...as in Rosemary's Baby. Her sweet baby face shouldn't fool you...she is an eating machine. Capable of inhaling entire dairy sections at local supermarkets, devouring small nations, you name it. All for a hit off the old Coke bottle...


And by hit, I mean shotgunning the entire thing like a drunk chick at a frat party...


That's why I am making gallons of this crap...see. Loretta is NOT A MORNING PERSON. Lets all read that again shall we? LORETTA IS NOT A MORNING PERSON. This means, don't talk to Loretta, or expect Loretta to do much in the morning...I need at least an hour to fully be able to function in public. And well...Rosemary here doesn't f__ing get that. So when I go ANYWHERE in the house, she hears me...and she begins screaming.


BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!


Which, for those of you who are not "The Lamb Whisperer", means GIVE ME A BOTTLE YOU STUPID SKANK! NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Me. No. Likey...repetitive, LOUD, obnoxious noise...makes me really understand how Clarice Starling felt...I have a primal urge to go all Hannibal Lector on little Rosemary...oh yes. I've envisioned it in my head...at 5 am when the screaming of the lamb starts...I haven't had my morning caffeine or any quiet...oh yes...I've had those sinful thoughts...


But...she's cute...and the husband wouldn't like me very much if something accidentally happened to her --Honey I have NO idea how she accidentally ended up tied to the railroad tracks...NO idea?!?!? I betcha it was the neighbors!!!!...so...


I come armed. As soon as I get up...I put the water on and get the bottle heated up...and get that damn thing in her mouth as soon as physically possible...


And then it stops...SILENCE...for like, 2 hours...


Times like these I realize, that little maternal urge I had for human children about 5 years ago was completely, utterly, f__ing nuts. Crying lamb = crying baby = me drinking purple Koolaid spiked with Drano. Make it STOP...MAKE IT STOP...SOBBING....please...


This. Is. The. Face. Of. Satan

16 comments:

Debra Kay said...

I don't care-I still want to bottle feed a lamb some day.

Laura, Lance, and Vito said...

I love those last pictures! I feel your pain, I am so not a morning person. Husband has learned to keep far distance and in an emergency where I need to talk, he can decipher my grunts.

DeltaBluez Tess said...

I have two of them....want them?

Ricky the Sheltie said...

I didn't realize Satan was so darn cute!! She really is cute and so quiet in pictures! Hang in there - I guess you'll get some peace eventually....

Dawn said...

Not a morning person either, but dang that IS one cute face!

Sarah said...

so evil, but so cute :)

Patty said...

My friend always said lab puppies are so cute and that is the only reason they survive their puppyhood. I think the same can be said about Rosemary....she is too cute to be mad at for long!

Kathy said...

Sounds like it's time to move her out to the barn. Good thing as she needs to learn that she is a sheep. Have you started offering her any sheep pellets/creep feed or hay?

It'll all be better soon.

Knotty Dogs said...

They're cute as hell, but what do you plan to do with it once it's grown? They suck for training dogs on, and in fact, are a nuisance and teach the rest of the flock bad habits.

Loretta Mueller said...

Knotty...Exactly--No, she can't stay here with the flock once she is done being bottle fed. She will go to someone that wants a pet sheep, I have no need for them as, you like you said, she will be a pain in the butt. Won't act enough like a sheep to be of use to me to train on. Too attached to humans.

Loretta Mueller said...

Laura---glad to know other people are like me :) And other husbands understand! LOL

Loretta Mueller said...

Debra--it's fun, at least the first time you try it :) They are cute..it helps! LOL

Diane--NO, one is more than enough! Luckily that is all I have :)

Loretta Mueller said...

Kathy...she'll be out in the barn this weekend for sure :)

Kathy said...

Oh, and I don't do bottle lambs any more. Too much work.

Knotty Dogs said...

So Kathy, what do you do with your bummers?

Kathy said...

If I find someone who will take them and wants to raise a bottle lamb I send them off. The last few times I haven't had one make it to the point of even becoming a bottle lamb.

The problem that I have had is that even when I did raise bottle lambs, they never did that well and I usually ended up losing them somewhere between 4 - 6 months of age. That is a tough pill to swallow considering all the time you put into them and the high cost of milk replacer.