Monday, December 27, 2010

YOU wanted the terrier...

I told Andy this...as he was running full out today, down the road, terrier hauling a** away from him, screaming DROP IT!!!! I SAID DROP IT!!! AAAAATTTTTTTTT (that buzzer noise people make to mark a dog doing something wrong. You know what I am talking about)...that yes dear...YOU WANTED THE TERRIER.

Ok...not really, I was stopped, in the middle of the road, bent over, crying...my stomach was clenching up so tightly (yes I did Ab Ripper...hush) it hurt...laughing so hard I was gasping for breath in between my hysterical cackling. Tears running down my face, freezing instantly as the cold air blasted them into little shards of ice...I was even doing the "laughing without making a sound"...I am not sure if I have laughed so hard in my life.

Lets go back a few minutes. Andy and I both have the week off, which is a lot of fun :) One of the things we do when we both are off work is take the dogs on walks together...it makes, what, in the winter is a REALLY CRAPPY thing...more fun. Or more bearable :) However you might see it.

Andy thinks Crackers can do no wrong. REMEMBER THIS. Very important. VERY.
Crackers stays in the road, why? Well, there is about a foot of snow on the ground and if he tries to get into it, he disappears. So he tends to stay where the snow is not deep. Plus...snow is cold and he doesn't like being cold (one thing we do share in common :)...

So we are walking, the dogs are all playing, running around like idiots and Crackers suddenly jumps INTO the ditch (with all the snow) and begins digging...Andy smiles...Andy always smiles when it comes to Crackers...ALWAYS...Crackers could be savagly attacking a baby fur seal and Andy would laugh...and say how cute Crackers is "OH LOOKIE LORETTA! LOOK HOW CUTE CRACKERS IS WHEN HE RIPS THE THROAT OUT OF THAT BABY SEAL!?!? HE'S ALL PINK FROM ALL THE BLOOD...HOW CUTE IS THAT?" Seriously...he is about as bad as...well...I am with Even :)

Crackers suddenly grabs a HUGE chunk of snow, has dragged it onto the road like a lion drags an antelope carcass around, getting ready to devour it...and starts noshing on this chunk of ice as if his life depended on it...And the conversation goes as follows:

Andy: Look at Crackers!!! ...nosh, nosh, nosh...

Loretta: Weird, he has a giant hunk of snow??!
...nosh, nosh, nosh...

Andy: Wonder what he is doing with that?
...nosh, nosh, nosh...
Loretta: He probably found a piece of dog sh*t and is eating it 'cause he's nasty...
...nosh, nosh,nosh...

Andy: NO! He wouldn't do that! (Looking at me with eyes of pure disbelief and a bit of glare that I would even THINK of Crackers doing something like that) Yet he is running towards Crackers...not wanting my statement to be truth...it COULDN'T be...

...nosh, nosh,nosh, Crackers looks towards Andy..NOSH NOSH NOSHING faster and faster...
And then we see it, the giant hunk of snow, much like a Rolo candy...with a dog sh*t center....
Now go back and read the first statement of this blog...snicker...
MY dogs all knew the situation already...they were all staring at Crackers with looks like "DUDE! Don't eat sh*t! WTF is WRONG with you!!?!?!!?!!? Utter disgust written all over their faces. Deer sh*t...sure! Rabbit sh*t...sure! But DOG SH*T?? They are all so above that...
Andy lets this dog kiss him...as he thought, when I told him about Crackers little "fun poop fetish", I was lying to him...as if I would lie to him about that. I am thinking the cute Crackers kisses will not be happening. Ever. Again.
EVIL GRIN...tee hee...
I love terriers! They are f*cking funny!

8 comments:

livin life said...

Say what you will...I'll take "thinking" over taking dogs for walks in crazy deep snow and bitter cold! Here is just pours....and I continue to build the ark!

Loretta Mueller said...

I try not to think about winters in Minnesota...I might go mad if I did! I know I would go mad actually :)

sclmarm said...

Ha ha ha ha! We have two Jack's and a Border/Jack here and they do add entertainment/frustration factor. Darn evil white dogs anyway:)

Ricky the Sheltie said...

ROTFL!!!! What a way to start my morning! "Like a Rolo candy with a sh*t center" - too funny!!! Poor Andy! Crackers used to give him kisses with that mouth but one would expect that Andy then gave you kisses too?

Diana said...

LOL, I read this post to my husband. We couldnt stop laughing!! Thanks!

Christine said...

Hahaha! Evil beasties, those terriers.

Taryn said...

It's not just terriers! I've got herders...Cardigans.....and I am pretty well convinced they would prefer poop (of any variety) to their raw diet. I guess it's a testament to their healthy immune systems that they are not dead from some nasty bacteria.

Candy Blakeslee said...

Wonderful pictures...and thank you for making me laugh! Crackers, you crack me up!