Monday, December 13, 2010

Stupid Winter...

It's NEGATIVE 17 outside...sunny! But still NEGATIVE 17...Loretta doesn't go outside right now. And neither do the dogs. They WANT TO...for about 10 seconds...just long enough for their feet to start freezing...they waddle back in, on 2 feet (just because they can't manage on one)...Crackers tries to just lay down "TAKE ME OLD MAN WINTER!!" he screams, the tears running down his muzzle, freezing instantly...
OK...so not really...but I think Crackers would for sure try a very dramatic approach if he could speak English...BTW...the laying down part IS true...seriously dog, you have NO survival instincts.
So...on days like this...I clean. I bake. I do WHATEVER I can do, to NOT be outside...I decided today was CLEAN SHEET DAY!!!! I love clean sheets...I could have clean sheets every, single, day. AHHHH. Well...if I wanted to wash them anyway...I hate doing laundry, so once a week is great.

And then the dogs do things to piss me off...like laying on my mattress with no sheets...because even mom going totally screaming at them is STILL ATTENTION right?? Sigh...

The dogs are bored...so they sleep. I wish I could sleep for 6 months...just hibernate like a bear. Forget that winter even happens. That would rock.And they sleep...or they stare...Even.

We got the dogs this awesome heated bed. That was the best purchase EVER. They have all set their daily goals on WHO gets to be on the bed. Kind of a mattress "king of the mountain" going on. Everyone needs goals. Poor Crackers just tries to get NEAR the bed. As we have found, 3 border collies, stacked up like some kind of messed up Jenga game, can fit. And, oddly enough...there is normally a JRT in the center of the pile...Crackers loves his heated bed. When he can use it.Loretta loves that bed even more...it keeps Crackers from staring at me all day. It's annoying and I am happy it has stopped.GET OFF THE DAMN BED GIRLS...oh...and also...if your husband comes home talking about how he got some AWESOME Christmas presents for the "twins"...and you realize he is talking about the two litter mates you kept...there is a problem. Just sayin'. Maybe we do need to have a ki....WTF...nevermind...tiny moment of insanity there... What if we look all cute and stuff?? NO. And they sleep more...although these two just look like they have been smoking somethin' REAL GOOD. But rest assured, my home is a drug free zone. They must have been doing that out in the barn. Those sheep are a bunch of tokers... Ace! Not cowering...barely awake and hasn't realized I had the camera focused on him. WIN. Still being cute!!! GET OFF THE F***ING BED!

And then the reality of my situation sets in...they start staring...all of them... Zip...give me the damn pillow (wonder where her daughters got the "screaming is still attention" thought? Oh yes...THE QUEEN)...you have a pillow we let you carry around remember?

And then Even starts up...which, she is not as easily deterred in her needs...she likes to get RIGHT in your face and stare. And she is damn cute...seriously...how can you resist this face?

Then...if you don't listen to this (or notice it I guess...stares don't speak....do they?) she will get the Cuz...which, has been put on this earth for the SOLE PURPOSE of annoying the living crap out of me. Repetitive noises REALLY IRRITATE LORETTA...and I think the Cuz has THE WORST squeak ever. It is like a cross between killing a baby bunny and putting a chainsaw to a piece of sheet metal... And with the Cuz, comes Even's "crazy eyes"...ya know...when the brain is out of oxygen, and the 2 brain cells left have decided to take a day off...

So what do you do with a Steven who has completely gone off her rocker?

PLAY WITH KITTIES!!!!! That's right! Vittles is also going completely insane, and between clawing the woodwork in my garage, eating kitty toys and barfing them up later all over the floor, and hanging from the shelving in the garage, she is about as insane as Steven. So lets get READY TO RUMBLE!!!

***NO KITTIES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THESE PHOTOS*** Even LOVES her kitty... See?? HUGS!!! And a bitch slap! Awwwww!!! Even can be a bit much for Vittles at times...but Vittles was insane today...I am sure Even will have some bite wounds from this encounter, but she LOVES HER KITTY! Kisses!! Sort of...right? And look how she holds Vittles! OH so gently...right? And they look so lovingly into each others eyes :)I mean...how can you NOT see the love here? See!?!? Even likes to give Vittles kisses on her head! HOW SWEET IS THAT!?!?And Vittles just wants to touch Even, to be close to her...awwwwUm...this one might need a bit of a "rating" so the kiddies don't look at it...Are you 18? Awww...MORE HUGS!!!! They even love to dance together!!!Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena. Que to cuerp es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena. Dale a t cuepo alegria Macarena.
Heeeeey Macarena
AAAhAA! Seriously...they love each other... Sure Vittles has to put up with getting squashed a bit...but kitties bounce back ya know.
And yes...she gets a bit "moist" (shudder...I hate that word....ewwww)...but that is just the labor of love Vittles is willing to do for Even. 'cause they are bestest friends... It's a beautiful thing :)Especially after the rumble...Even is tired :)

And...um...unless the sock monkeys are having unprotected sex while I am sleeping at night...Andy is going a bit overboard with the hunt for sock monkeys... For those that have emailed me, they are in the CHRISTMAS section, not the pet section, I think they are supposed to be kids toys...but whatever. Kids don't need sock monkeys anyway. If you are in the Little Falls/Brainerd area...I think Andy bought them all...sorry.

Christmas cards are OUT...if you want a picture of our doggies...let me know. I personally LOVE my dogs...but don't expect others to feel the same emotional connection to them. BUT...if you do, send me an email and I would be more than happy to send you a pic of our dogs!
Now...if you will excuse me, I will be in the house...for the next...oh...6 months...

4 comments:

Taryn said...

Great post! I especially love some of the expressions on Vittles' face, in particular "19.jpg", it's wonderful!

Happy Holidays to one and all at Full Tilt BCs!

Karissa said...

I love it when you are cooped up inside, being driven insane by the weather. It makes for the best blog posts. :o)

D said...

Even/ Vittles pictures #6 is my favorite...that is hilarious!

"And...um...unless the sock monkeys are having unprotected sex while I am sleeping at night...Andy is going a bit overboard with the hunt for sock monkeys..."

LMAO!!! That IS alot of sock monkeys...I'm going to have to go elsewhere to find my dogs some, since Andy is buying out my 'hood!

Ricky the Sheltie said...

Winter IS stupid! We are tired of it already. Thanks for this post though - it gave us something to do for a couple minutes!!

Mom says she is glad that Shelties don't stare! LOL!