Psssssstt!!!!!!!!!!

HEY...HEY YOU...

So I need some help...this crazy beeooottcchhh won't let me do ANYTHING! Apparently we are going somewhere called TOPS, or did she say I was going to be on COPS?? She seems to think I am "injured" and can't "do anything that would hurt me". She is full of shit. She even got me some rocks on a string---calls them "crystals that might help me get better"...seriously....look at the picture below...WTF!?!? Can she be serious? She said she is willing to try anything that might work...she is sounding more like Kathy Bates in Misery...I am waiting for her to break my ankles...

So she puts the rocks on my collar (which by the way is called a fetish...who KNOWS what that means)...um yeah crazy lady...not interested. Um..yeah...well...I ate part of my rock collection on a string. But the crazy lady insured me that they would pass...wonder if the powers of rocks are magnified by ingestion?!!? Apparently however, she is having it fixed...seriously...can someone come get me NOW?

So...to help with my issues (um yeah...no exercise for like FIVE MONTHS might cause that)...she got me this puzzle game. She told me it would keep me busy...

Yeah....for like 3 minutes (really I think she timed it)...does she REALLY think I am that stupid?Seriously...please come get me?
But I wasn't going to let her take away the ONLY toy she has given me for months! So after finding all the cookies under the stupid bones (took like 30 seconds) I figured I would try to see if she wouldn't notice me playing with them....she IS pretty slow ya know...
What!!? Butterflies?? Huh?? Oh yeah....sorry
So I played...see the bling bling in this pic? She has lost her mind...
Nope...still not noticing...she is so slow...
SHEEEEEEEPPPP!!!!!!!!
What!! A...D...H...D.....what?!?!
Oh yeah...hee
Did you say something? Where did my toy go?
What toy...what?
Oh yeah! TOOOOYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
HA!! Victory is MINE
So I ruined the stupid puzzle toy...serves her right...
Please...someone, come get me and let me run and play...what?? NO...I won't limp AT ALL. It is all in her head...what? NO my left leg doesn't swell up after exercise...she is crazy, loco...

Hurry...