Friday, September 25, 2009

Ah.....Friday...Great...

Life is never dull in the Mueller household...with 7 dogs, some sheep and a rabbit...things never get boring...

So there goes today....when I open the door and I am hit with a SMELL...THAT SMELL...the smell so putride it burns the inside of your nose and as a dog owner you KNOW what it is. You don't want to find it...and you DEFINETLY don't want to clean it up. All dog owners know this...we like to call it a "blowout" around here....also known as "the ria" "the sh*ts" "green apple splatters (that just sounds NASTY)" or explosive diarrhea...add your own nickname in the comment box if you wish :)

Why is it when a dog has a gastrointestinal upset it is always explosive...why must it shoot OUT of the dogs orifice like a bullet out of a gun??

So I walk down my short haulway and I find the culprit...poor Klinky...apparently had some "issues" and is now sitting in her x-pen...with eyes that can only be the eyes of a dog that is trying to say "PLEASE!!!! I AM COVERED IN MY OWN SH*T AND I WANT OUT!!!!! NOW!!!

DON'T look at her my brain screams...knowing if I do her tail will start wagging and whatever that is on the floor (not sure at this point if it is vomit or sh*t) will go sailing around like the sprinkler from hell--sending pieces of...lets call it shomit for short...all over my house....

So I make quick and drop a treat in the x-pen...she reaches for it and I do the "move" that all dog people ALSO know....grab dog by scruff.....hold dogs body OUT away from your own....tell dog NO and walk BRISKLY to the tub.

Get her in the tub and she stares at me...all hunched over...looking at me through pieces of shomit on her face (how did it get on her face!?!?!? seriously Klink!?!?!?)...tie her up....and let her stay there...I have to deal with the issue of whatever the hell it was that she left in that x-pen (thank god it wasn't on carpeting)...

I then hear whining....crap..the other 6 dogs.....I let Even out of her kennel--which so happens to be near Klink's x-pen and the velocity at which that puppy HURLED herself out of her kennel was amazing....she RAN to the door and wanted out...NOW.....

She gets outside and all the panic leaves her face...she has escaped the gas chamber of Klink...she doesn't want to go back into the house...I don't blame her...neither do I! So I decide to put her in a kennel in the van...give her some much needed oxygen...poor thing probably has brain damage from lack of it...

Her darling mother Zip reacts the same way.....OH MY GAWD SOMEONE POOPED IN HERE!!! Outside she goes....I am with them...or at least want to be.

Now Lynn is in the other room...and I about died of laughter at HER reaction...she runs down the hall...and suddely the odor hits her like a ton of bricks.....she stops DEAD in her tracks and tries to run BACK into the room she came out of...NO.....grab her and get her outside....in the kennel she goes.....

Gator reacted like Zip and Even.....Crackers.....where is HE!?!? CRAP!!! He is gone!!! SH*T! SH*T!! Ohwait......he is with Andy....nevermind...whew....

And Ace.....he is old and apparently has NO sense of smell left.....he acted totally normal....figures...I guess there ARE pluses about getting older :)

So everyone is evacuated from the premisis...I "clean up crew of one" begin the LOVELY task of trying to deal with this issue. Beds get kicked out the patio door.....will get them in the washer....x-pen outside....hosed and washed.....floors bleached and dried...my house no longer smells that of a mexican restaurant with an ecoli outbreak....whew...

Still don't know what the shomit was....nooooo freakin' idea...

House clean....now onto the dog...

I have ONE rough coated dog...and it SUCKS...explosive sh*ts + rough coated dog = hell.

I have 6 smooth coated dogs...explosive sh*ts + smooth coated dog = 2 minutes with a hose and some soap...

So I think to myself..I got one of those hydrosurge bath thingies (ok the cheaper one..not the one that costs 1,000 dollars--mine was 40 :) I will use that!

Well great.....dog covered in sh*t--check
hydrosurge filled with "ultra clean" shampoo--check
warm water--check.....

GO!

Yeah..well let me tell you a little secret with the hydrosurge thingie......it shoots out water...and at a good rate.....water hits liquid sh*t at a high rate of speed.....and TADA!!! Your very own Fountain of Sh*t!!! WOO HOOOOO!!!!!! Shower covered, me covered....it was AWESOME...

So after that situation...I decide to just use the old standby hose...get her cleaned up and put her in her kennel to hopefully NOT have another shomit incedent...HOPE...more like PRAY...

Open up the house and air everything out....bring the dogs back in and everyone takes a sniff....and goes right in....great...so they now approve :)

Sigh...

6 comments:

Emma Rose said...

I have tears running down my face! That was too funny! The hydrosurge thingy had me laughing so hard I almost couldn't finish the story.

Thanks, it was great fun. Well, not for you, but still . . .FUNNY!

Dianna said...

Wow...very descriptive writing..a bit too descriptive. Hope Klinky feels better soon! :)

Anonymous said...

Been there done that.
OHMIDOG why do they always wag their tails and swish more of the BIG D all over the place. Thanx for the laugh hope all is better now

BCxFour said...

OMG I am behind on your blog...now I am laughing so hard...

This statement was PERFECT!

"my house no longer smells that of a mexican restaurant with an ecoli outbreak"

ROFLMAO!

Kolea Lani said...

This was soooo funny! Sadly, we've all lived it and can relate. Thanx for sharing! I found a link to your page from the Mani blog.

Never Say Never Greyhounds said...

Ah, yes, I hate days like those!