Thursday, November 20, 2008

My dogs annoy me..

Hello, My name is Loretta and my dogs annoy me...(everyone..Hi Loretta)

I love my dogs, don't get me wrong...they give me a LOT of joy and I would not live without them.

BUT...my dogs are annoying...

Just as I am sure there are annoying things I do to them (aka refer back to the pooping on leash comment in the previous post)---or baths, or all the "rules" I make them abide by...we do get along well :-))

But our lives are not filled to the brim with "everlasting happiness"---we co-exist just like people in a house...except that I am the dictator (I LOVE that role!!!) the dogs might tell you otherwise. They are not perfect and as much as I would like to be.....the hubby will tell you I am not perfect ether (darn husbands!)

So...I thought I would write about the annoying habits that my dogs have just to get it off my chest:

Lets just start with the "blank behaviors" they all do...

WHY...must they come into the bathroom when I am in there doing my business?? I KNOW, close the door...but dangit....NO! I have no children..and the hubby isn't home and JUST because the door is barely ajar....that is not an invitation for you to come in, and lay your face ON MY LAP!!!

How hard is it to keep your face over the bowl so you don't dribble water EVERYWHERE...so I step in it with my socks on.....WET SOCKS...YUCK!

Farting.....just knock it off......seriously!

Licking yourself EVERYTIME company comes over....OR licking yourself at 3 am.....GO TO SLEEP!

Those are just a few..I KNOW there are many more...and feel free to add them to the comments section....

Now onto the individual annoyances:

Ace---please stop being a piece of furniture..MOVE every once in a while..and stay moving for more than 30 seconds. STOP SNORING-I know your getting older....maybe you can wear a breathe right?? YOU are the main "licker" at night....KNOCK IT OFF! The pillow thrown at you EVERY TIME doesn't give you a clue!?!??! COME ON! Just because it is THERE doesn't mean you HAVE to lick it...I am at work..do it then if you must....

Zip---You are NOT a princess..get over it. If there is food anywhere within your reach, please calm your inner fat girl and RESIST TEMPTATION. Sneaking behind my back and getting the food is just not nice....smart yes...but not nice. All food prepared is NOT yours (do you see a trend happening?). Quit staring at me in the shower.....CREEPY!!! And stop licking the freaking bar of soap?!?!?

Klink---you cannot climb into my ribcage to get closer to me---not possible unless in a hospital. STOP WHISTLING like a tea kettle...you do it, not sure WHY--it is not like I have NEVER told you to stop...Staring at me with your eyes all squinted and your nose all wrinkled up...I do not find that cute, but you look like you are constipated--NOT attractive Stinky!! EAT FASTER--please eat more than ONE piece of kibble at a time----or at certain times....eat!!!! You are never fat, so deciding you have an eating disorder (do you have a bad body image??We need to talk about this)suddenly is annoying...You bark too much...and your bark is that of a dog that is 17 times your size..not sure where it comes from..but can we turn the volume down a wee bit?? STOP drinking out of the toilet..you are the only one that does this and you LOVE to give kisses also...NOT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! ACK!

Gator---well..you got neutered...so that probably takes away about 90% of your annoying things....um...so....yeah. I love you :-))) You need to stop licking your junk at night...but again..now that you are neutered there is less of that to lick anyway :-)))

Crackers---STOP MOVING, stop making whining noises and LEAVE ACE ALONE..you weigh 8 pounds, he is almost 60---he WILL eat you one of these days, and the hubby will want to kill ME because it happened.....well ya know what little man...if you have a death wish....GO RIGHT AHEAD...I am not responsible for what happens----a growl means LEAVE ME ALONE YOU LITTLE S***!!!

WOW..I feel MUCH better! I love my pups, they make me smile and Zip is sleeping here with me on the couch as I write this---Gator is chewing on a bone, crackers is asleep (and NOT moving), Ace is being furniture and Klink isn't whistling currently....

So all is good and we are currently briming with happiness....

Hug your puppies---they are probably annoyed beyond belief at you!!

Thank goodness they can't type.......

3 comments:

Beth said...

Aweesome post. I must make my list for my 3! Very funny!

Carrie said...

Hilarious post!! Cats can be pretty annoying at times as well.

Here is my secret message to Clyde: "1. Pillows are for humans! I don't have a problem with you sleeping on the bed but do you always have to steal my pillow? What, is the mattress not soft enough for you? I know that I am evidently suggestible when I am sleeping but please STOP shoving my head off my pillow in the middle of the night and claiming it for your own!! 2. You do not need a drink of water from the sink every time I walk into the bathroom. There is not way that you are THAT thirsty all the time. You always have a fresh bowl of water next to your food...isn't that sufficient? 3. If you decide that your litterbox isn't clean enough one more time, we are going to have serious issues! I know I should clean it a little more frequently but really, can't you just poo in your litterbox anyway; I never let it get THAT bad.

fulltilt said...

Nice Clyde!!!! HEHEHEHEHE