Monday, November 17, 2008

Dog Crap & Hotels...

Yes, I am blogging about dog crap. It is a part of owning dogs, and in our case a part of owning dogs x 6. Wherever we travel we make damn sure we pick it up....ok...on a farm at a trial if the dog goes off into la-la land to crap--which mine normally do--I think they have performance anxiety....if I have to send out a search party to find it in the brush...well I will normally leave it.

My dogs prefer to poop on their own, can't say I blame them..beats them at the end of a leash and me saying Potty, Potty...can you imagine if you had someone in your bathroom DEMANDING you take a crap...shudder. If you put them on a flexi---they go to the VERY farthest place they can...and will spin around to face their butts away from me...poor dogs. And then when the deed is done--WE PICK IT UP.

Dog people are into poop---they talk about it, they share stories about what is in it...what color it is etc. If the words "explosive diarrhea" is brought up in amongst dog people...it is met with laughter or a nod of the head saying "SO been there sista"...I have never understood this and I usually steer clear of such conversations....really. Anyway.....

My husband believes that EVERYONE is just like us...well they're not.

Recently we had to take a quick trip to Missouri and loaded all of the dogs into the van---recap: Ace, Zip, Klink, Gator, Paige and Crackhead..er...I mean Crackers. So in our travels, with that many dogs, one has few hotel choices. #1 pick....Motel 6---USUALLY clean hotels, and cheap...like under $50 cheap and they don't really care if you have a 17 foot mutant llama with rabies---they'll leave the light on for it. There is the occasional one that is scank-dirty and you wonder what the mystery stains are on your sheets and if the floor really IS crawling...but I digress....

My dogs always do the same things when they go into hotel rooms--Zip IMMEDIATELY claims a bed as her own. Ace freaks out and sits in the middle of the room with this look on his face as if someone just performed a strip search on his nether-regions. Gator jumps on the OTHER bed and that whippet tail of his thumps...and thumps and thumps....that dog needs a fluffier tail. Crackers just vibrates....or whatever little dogs do. AND then there is Klink...the darling dog that proceeds to LICK the carpet and bed covers....or sniff the floor like she can't get enough in her nostrils to satisfy her. If you have an aversion to hotel rooms, do NOT stay with "the stink"---she will find EVERY single smell in that room. I have learned to live with her sick sense of humor and usually just ignore her. BUT I can say...there is NO hotel that is too nice and clean to miss her skank finding capabilities..so you are NEVER safe.

Well we get to the Motel 6 and get everyone in the room and the hubby decides to help me take dogs outside....this is where the dog crap part comes back into play.

I have Zip...he has Crackers and we are just walking in some grass....suddenly hubby jumps up screaming and cussing--he has stepped in dog crap--not just any old dog crap--the crap of legends, HUGE (I think from that 17 foot mutant llama perhaps?? Think he is in room 234) the kind of crap that Ol Roy would help produce...I feel for him. Dog crap STINKS...and EVERYONE recognizes it...it is almost a scarlet letter..YOU stepped in dog crap...YOU are now banished. I am TRYING to not giggle...just because.....as he is cussing and wiping what you could have swore was super glue from his shoes.....on the grass, on the sides of the street...anywhere to get the pooh of death off his shoe. Just as he gets the last (right....the LAST...is there EVER the LAST bit of dog crap?? You can wash your shoes 30 times and that stuff NEVER goes away) of the dog crap off his shoe....he steps in another. This is too much, I am laughing my ass off and he is about ready to go postal on some motel 6 peeps (which wouldn't really be something new to them probably)---going into a rant that, in his mind will let EVERYONE in the US know that picking up dog crap is YOUR AMERICAN DUTY TO THE NATION (OK...duty is not meant as a pun!)...or some crap like that.

After I get done laughing...I start to feel for him. Here is a guy that until Crackers came along....has never traveled with dogs...and was in his own little "dog crap" bubble of happiness...where EVERYONE picks up their S**T (like a eutopia of sorts!) and this bubble was BURST by a double crap incident...he will never be the same again I am sure. And he will walk alot slower and stare at the ground more...

And to think these are things I could have taught him, passed down to another crap picker upper--WATCH OUT FOR LANDMINES HONEY!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

But I didn't...and THIS way was MUCH FUNNIER...

5 comments:

Hay Ewe said...

Ok ... I'm glad you didn't try calling me in the last few minutes! You would have gotten the same reaction as when you caught me reading Katy's blog! I am embarrassed that I'm laughing -- really hard -- at potty humor! But OMG! Too damn funny!

Beth said...

That is really, really good! hahaha

Emily said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHHAHAHHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been there, experienced that!
The only time I don't pick up my dogs' crap is when they go off 'in the ruffage' and there is just no way of finding it, short of sticking my hand in it or sniffing it out. Nothanksverymuch. !!

I plan my trips based on where the closest LQ is when I need to stop. Thank God for LQ!!

fulltilt said...

Thanks ladies! :-) poor Andy though!

Dianna said...

Wow, I have soooo been there! Poor Andy!! It happened to me at the last trial. I took the dogs out early before daylight...and didn't notice that I had stepped in something until I returned to the room....then I spent the next 10 minutes gagging and trying to rinse my shoe off in the tub...which didn't drain very fast at all, so now...well.. enough said.